The Third Party Protocol

I realised my previous post was an epic read that not too many people would give the time of day to. I am an avid follower of the Thinkers Community and I feel anyone should be able to voice their opinion in any way possible. To be fair I don’t reference any famous and well know authors as these are my own thoughts and views. Now that I got that out of the way lets get this Rant going.
I had a serious realisation the other night, I don’t know if it was an epiphany, then again I don’t think I’m that arogant as to say it was that deep. Now I am a single guy proudly screwed over by the woman I honestly thought I would spend the rest of my life with and a good friend kinda stabbed me in the front and the bastard has not had the balls to even face me or talk to me… then again I don’t really justify violence in any form or shape, unless its on playstation (Xbox folk, your console sucks. There I go again Ranting. Not a bad job for a small intro.
Well here it is, ever notice how life is filled with bitching, and it usually the ones who claim to love each other, in the last 4 years of my life I have found myself being a mediatior in what I can only describe as random bable and screaming matches… I’d like to think of myself as a nice guy (I used to be quite a dick) it took a lot of change and understanding of ones self to tame myself from being used as a tool for other peoples issues. Where does friendship end and babysitting kick in. I have always prefered to handle my own issues and leave out all the rest, who are they to understand the finer details of your life your hope, dreams and drive. That’s the thing life is a selfish and corrupt way of living, we are built to destroy when last did you receive a phone call from a friend who has drama in their lives and they demand all the attention that one person can muster, we do it because we care we do it because its our way to nurture, and yes Mr I am Hardcore, you cry in secret, we all try to hide those inner demons and the fact that our lives are a contradiction of how we really are. I cry and I know every tear has meaning behind it. Loss, trauma, bipolar and all the other shit that comes with being human. Now for the third party, that’s you, the listener the calm person the healer, the one to say shut up and still not be heard. I realised a while ago that that person was me. I wasn’t just a third wheel I was an indirect part of the relationship to the point that my phone number seems to be on speed dial for the sake of their of their convienience, and I fall for it hook line and sinker… is it nature or nurture or the faith that you can help other people because somewhere deep down inside you think they will do the same for you. I call bullshit on those situations because when your life turns into a third wheel that’s all you will ever become your life becomes centred around people who will take advantage, just your basic presence seems to make them feel better. Ever notice how scarce friends are when shit happens. You search for help from everyone and they all they have their own agendas. Maybe I am a sucker for punishment but I hate to see hurt in anyone. Life is an adventure a pretty shitty one at best, the tables turn the people change, your friends grow they marry they move forward. Don’t get me wrong everyone changes even your dumbass self who doesn’t feel good enough but is able to make others better. I guess that’s why most artists die young or by their own accord, how much of yourself can you give before you realise that your passions have turned into your curses. That’s the odd part its so deep in you will drop everything just that feeling of acceptance. I find that to be my greatest weakness, I can fake a smile better than  Jean Claude Van-Dammes acting and personally I don’t mind… but will I always feel like this third party for my whole life when will I take control and get the strength to pull a middle finger and say… “This is my time and I cant make you guys smile forever” I bet those friends who actually will follow this blog will actually realise they have a punching back they indirectly hurt but they are the ones who will take the bullet for you. How many times have you said thanks you have saved me from myself and her.
I just don’t get the fact that people fight their fights while they are both in a rage how does that solve anything. My little brain has always wanted to vent and calm down and wait until we are both rational, anger just breeds anger. This world is made up of the Third Party Protocol, at the end of the day someone is gonna try to be the hero regardless of wheather they are hurting themselves and actually making themselves a part of something that does not involve them. I wont lie, I tend to lose that strength and just cave in. I get along with everyone, I used to be in a band I was surrounded by people but all I learnt was how to fake a smile and live vicariously through other peoples lives… I ended up not knowing where my life began and theirs moved forward. I was a referee in a life that is so short that I waste it one caring for friends. Should I expect payment, no I thrive on this, I complain about it but I don’t know how to stop it… When I help someone and make a differnece in someone elses life without a selfish thought in my mind, I feel a sensation I can only describe as power, control, happiness and a sense of calm. Dammit if you saved a life its not that you feel like a hero, you feel concern, its even harder if its someone you didn’t know. I’m sure you basically put 2 and 2 together and realised I saved a life, I wont be that asshole who says I did it on my own but I realsied at that point its not that I am a 3rd wheel. Life is so short trust me I’ve tried to end it more than 5 times and when I think back to those grey days you learn one thing about yourself and the other people you meet in the psych ward, we all needed help, even that fake smile makes all the difference to someone else, there we go again that smile is the third party you chose to use. I honestly go to the point where I thought I was manipulating people, everyone was a zombie or in a constant state of lifelessness, we were alive but we were looking at life from outside your own body… how do you connect yourself to that person you are observing and learn to make that smile a smile that carries substance, to this day I have no clue… there are quick fixes and trust me drugs make everything better. I was huge on cocaine it was like my own personal third voice and when it was all gone all that was left was that shell again. I had a huge eye opener and cried and almost died and watched my friends die. What is The Third Party Protocol. It’s so simple and NO its not being the third wheel…did I contradict myself, somewhat. The Third Party Protocol is understanding that you are more to others than you realise, they cant do it without you, you cant do it without them. Without them, without you, it turns into seperation from all angles. Take pride in being that guy/girl, friend. You are the front line and nothing can stop you because even if they can not do the same, you have the strength to handle yourslef on your own and with loved ones. Conflict breed conflict, doesn’t mean peace breeds peace either but the smallest gesture the smallet idea the random comment can open up someones mind so much that you could not just save lives you can change someone or even your own future. Words are dangerous but they are also the life blood of society. Do you really want to be alone or do you want to be that reliable person. Honestly I am the Protocol and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Let the Flame War Begin.